The following is the diary of a young man in Wake County during the 19th century. The identity of this young man is not known. This version has been transcribed exactly as it was written. Spelling and grammar errors are those of the original writer.
The original copy of this diary can be found in the North Carolina State Archives Private Collection under the heading #1258.2 Maggie E. Crowder Collection, 1808-1937.
Forestville, NC November 12th 1854
Sunday Evening. I have felt impressed for some length of time, to, do that, which I now, attempt to do; and I solomly pray to God, that it may prove a blessing to me, and, also be worthy of example &. I trust that I do this under the influence of the holy spirit. O! Lord; I implore thy assistance in this undertaking. Novm, 12th On account of the inclemency; of the day, I did not attend church, I remained at home, read my Bible; and a portion, of the life of thee Daryman,s Daughter, by which, I received much consolation, to my soul. O! that I may, live near my Saviour, as she did, that when I am called, to cross the cold Jordan of death; that I shall have thee Saviour to accompany me through; that I may fear no evil. Before retiring for the Night, I Prayed the Blessings of the Lord upon me; Thee Lord was with me to grant my request. Bless the Lord O! my Soul. O! what a great thing, to have A friend, whome we can, trust the keeping of our Souls and Bodies, in his hands, while we are, clothed in darkness, and are slumbering upon our beds, this Saviour is watching over us O! who would not have this Saviour for their Saviour.
13th. Was up quite early, commenced the day with Prayer did not enjoy much of the presence of the Holy Spirit, I was soon pressed very much with the business of the day, so I had little or no time for reading, or meditating upon the mercies and blessings of my kind protector, closed the day by reading, and Prayer; was drawn out in Prayer, in behalf; of those, who are strangers to God; and are suffering themselves, to be led captive by the devil at his will. O! Lord; may they see the error of there ways, and call on thee for help; before, the door of mercy, shal be closed against them for ever.
November 14th. The business of the day was of such a nature, that I had but little time for reading or Prayer. Although thee Lord, was with me, to strengthen and support me, by his holy Spirit. I now give my self up into the hands of my Heavenly Father, for protection through the silant watches of the night, with this Prayer; that I may awake in the morning, to love him more and serve him better.
Wednesday 15th. Business pressed me very much today, had some conversations with some friends, & read some very interesting works, by thee Rev. John Scudder MD, the author of the Book; Provision for Passing over Jordan. Closed the services of the day, by Reading a part of the 25th Chapter of St. Matthew's Gospel, thee Saviour, was speaking, of the day of judgment, when thee Righteous, shal be separated from^the weaked; then shal thee King say, Come ye blessed of my Father, in herit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world &, But those on the left hand, will be turned into hell with all the nations, that forget God. O! that Imay be found amoung the Righteous on that day, for the welfair of my soul & my mind has ben two much on the ways of this world, O! Lord, help me to spend my time in a profitable way. I have ben reading some, of Masons Heavenly Treasure to day; it is a good work, and calculated to enlighten the mind, in the ways of Christian Progress &, and to animate thee Pilgrim on his Journey
Friday 17th. I have spent this day, almost entirely without Prayer, or meditation, I have ben thinking to what extent, a man will go, for the riches of this world; some will go so far, as to sacrifice their lives; while the one thing needful are so much neglected. O! what a small portion of our lives, do we give to the service of our God. It is from him that we receive all our blessings; It is, in and through him, that we have our being; and we treat no other friend, with so little respect. If a man looses his soul, he looses his all, O! what would a man give in exchange for his soul.
Sinners the voice of God regard,
His mercy calls to day;
He calls you, by his sovereign word,
From sin's destructive way.
Like the rough sea, that cannot rest
You live devoid of peace;
A thousand stings within your breast,
Deprive your souls of ease.
"Why will you in the crooked ways,
of sin and folly go?
In pain you travel all your days,
To reap immortal woe.
O! that the sinner might see the
error of his way, and seak shelter in the
wounds of a bleeding Saviour.
Saturday 18th, This is a day, almost entirely, lost; as to the service of my God. pressed with business more than usual; read but little and Prayed less. O Lord, forgive me, of my short comeings. my neglect of duty to thee; and grant that I may be more devoted to thy cause.
Sunday 19th. This day, not withstanding the inclemency of the wether, I attended church, had the pleasure of hearing thee Rev P W Dowd preach. & His remarks, was founded upon these words; for your work shall be rewarded. 7th chapter and apart of the 15 C. 2 Cronicles. His Sermand was one of great interest, He pointed out to his hearers the various ways, in which God, rewards his people, in this world, and also in the world to come. My mind, has ben suffered, to reflect back on past days, to which has been times of rejoiceing & to my Soul. O! why should a person look; ^back the prise is a head;___.
Monday 20th, Was up quite early, began the day with Prayer, but was so destitute of faith, that I could not believe, that I should receive the blessings which I asked &. O; Lord increase my faith in thee, that I may be enabled; to come, to thee in faith, nothing doubting. Read some good works during the day; which I trust, will be of some profit to my Soul; I have just ben reading of the crucifixion, of our Blessed Saviour; and his reserrection, and assension, O! that I may rise in the last day as our saviour did, Victorious over; death, hell, and the grave_.
Tuesday.
Monday 21th. This has ben a day, in which, I trust will tell for my Soul in the day of Judgment I have ben reading, the life of a por boy, who by his conduct; rose to eminance, and was the cause of a great reformation, takeing place in the Town, which he had gone to live in as an apprentice; his Conduct, gained to him many friends, and his example was worthy of imitation He gained the entire confidence of his employer finally married wone of his family, and was maid Boss of the factory &. O! what a thing it is Not to giveover, at small trifles, this young man (James Stephens, was his name) had a great deal to encounter with; in his first set out in the world; he was a boy, not to be turned by every wind he was persecuted; laughed at, and a great many things, sayed to him in order to lead him astray, but to no purpose. His a b^ oy of, set principles, which his parents had instilled in his Bosom, in raising him up &. Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. O! what a great thing it would be, for the riseing and also the preasent generation; if Fathers and Mothers, would take more thought for the welfare of Children, and bring them up in the fear of thee Lord.
Wednesday 22th. This has ben a day, of verry little business in our Village; So I have had more time to read than usual. I have ben reading Masons Spiritual, or Heavenly Treasure; he was a man of strong intellect, a man of God. A man who sought the welfare, of others. O; how I should to; be like him. O! Lord, help me to. say or do something, by which some may be profited with, May I be laid out in thy service.
Thursday 23th This day, has been a day of merriment to me, This day has ben spent in Sporting, although two is toilsome; how delightful tis to call of from the business of a day, to wander over hill and dales. how pleasant to view the works of nature in all it,s grandure, but while viewing thos seans; we should not forget that we two, are apart of the workmanship of that all wise Being, who created all things.
Friday 24th Commenced the day with Prayer, had but little or no faith in asking Gods Blessings upon me, my mind was wandering, so that I could not Pray with that degree of confidence, which is required to obtain a Blessing from the hand,s of God. O! that I could always have faith, to believe that I should receive the Blessings which I so much stand in need of. A portion of this day, has ben spent, in reading of different, subjects & some of which was of much interest, and which I hope to profit there by & we should never read any thing which we are not willing to treasure up in our hearts, nothing of a vain and trifling nature we should never indulge in. O! God make me more Heavenly minded.
Saturday 25th. The most of this day, I have spent in reading the nuse of the day &. I have not devoted, but a verry small portion of it; in the one thing needful that is in the service of my Heavenly Father, from whom I derive all my blessings &. O; Lord, help me to live nearer thee may each day I spend here below; be devoted to thy service
O for a closer walk with God.
A calm and heavenly frame!
A light to shine upon the road
that leads me to the Lamb.
What peaceful hours I once enjoyed!
How sweet their memory still,
But now I find an aching void
The world can never fill.
Sunday 26th. Rode a few miles to hear the Revd P. W. Dowd Preach, he delivered, an excellent discourse from these words, he was led as a lamb to the slaughter, this words; may be found in Isaiah_________ returned home, spent a verry pleasant afternoon in a family circle & closed the day By reading and Prayer, O; that I could spend more of my time in the service of my maker
Monday 27th Rose quite early and commenced the business of the day, which closed about 9 O clock, at which time I must retire for repose & have not enjoyed the past but very little; felt some what indisposed, by being disturbed by pilferes &. how many people there are at this day and time, do but little else, than to pilfer and get there living off of the labouring mans earnings, this aught not so to be, but let every man provide for his own household is wors than an infidel.
Tuesday 28th. This day has ben quite an unusual busy one to me; I have ben so pressed with my business, that I have had no time for reading & meditation. I do not have the time to spend in my fathers service that I should like to have, I should like to spend the most of my time in the service of my Maker.
Wednesday 29th. This day has not ben as pleasantly spent, as I should liked for it to have ben & A greater portion of the day, has ben spent in making Preparations for a par.^ty which came off here this afternoon. We had a large concorse of People; and time Passed off finely with some while others did not enjoy it so much. there was the professors of Religion and nun professors, but who could distinguish them apart, they appeared verry much, as one class. I thought to my self, did they Pray before they left home. that the Lord would deliver them from the vanities of this world. Or did they go with vain and foolish thoughts in there hearts; I think that they did not go, to do as they are commanded to do; Come ye out from among them; and be ye separate
Thursday 30th This day was set apart by thee governer, of the State to be a thanksgiving day & I attended Church, heerd a Sermon by thee Revd J S Purefy. he preached from these words. Giving thanks always for allthings unto God and the father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ Ephesians 5ch. 2vr the dis corse was verry appropriate indeed; it was one worthy, of being treasured up in every mind who hurd it
December 1th. This has ben an unusually cold day With me, spiritually speaking. I have had my mind^ almost entirely upon the affairs of this world, and have had but little of Heaven. I have ben so pressed with business; that I have scarcely had the opartunity of asking Gods blessing upon me & more in my mind; and help me in all things to have thy fear before my eyes & Help me to live neere thee, every day of my life; that when I shall be called to cross the cold Jordan of death; I may have thy Rod and staff to support me! and the strong arm of Jesus to bear me up
December 2th. I have had but little thought of Heaven during this day. I have read my Bible but little, and have not ben in secret Prayer as much as t'was my duty. Therefore I do not enjoy the peaceful preasance of the holy Spirit, as it becomes thee children of God. O! that I could be holy resined to my Masters will. O Lord I wish to be thine; to be holy given up to thee; to rest on thy word, that I may have a sure foundation &. O. for faith, to trust in thee Lord.
December 3th. Sunday, on the account of the inclemency of the day, I did not attend church. went to see some of my near neighbours, with whome I spent, a verry pleasant afternoon &.
December 4th Was up by day, met thee Lord in Prayer, & but the business of the day commenceing, verry soon, and continued through the day, so I had no time of interest, of reading or communing with the Saviour. & until a late hour at night.
December 5th. This has ben an unusual cold day so, that I have done but verry little &> I have read some interesting Pieces of a magazene & which I trust will be profitable to me O! that I could Read and sturdy more, and serve my Master better & Lord, help me to devote more of my time in thy service.
December 6th. I rose quite early, returned my thanks to him, who watched over me through the night & and his Blessings on me through the day &. Thee Lord has ben verry Kind to me, not withstanding; I have lived so far from him, he heas ben mindful of me. O: that I could love him more; and serve him better.
December 7th. This has ben a verry fine day, I have spent the day, a good deal in reading &. But while the day was passing off, so pleasantly with some, others were clad in morning. One of our neighbours ( Mrs. John Ligon) was a corps in her house, surrounded by her family & friends; mourning, her departure/ O! that their loss may be to her eternal gain. Thee Physicians, done what they could to restore her, to the enjoyment of her family and friends; but to no purpose. Thee Lord saw fit to take her from among us; and there was no remedy. Who can tell the next one, that will be taken; Let each one ask the question Lord is it I! Is it my Father! My Mother, my Sister or Brother. O! that we may all be found in readiness. I say, be ye also ready; for in such an hour as ye think not, thee son of man cometh.
December 18th. I have not spent much of this day in the service of my God. My time is so mostly, devoted to the affairs of this world; that I do not serve my Maker as I aught to do&. Look around on the wide world; and see how few these are, that's living as commanded to live. See what a small portion of their time is spent in serving thee Lord. How many are their; that spends one seventh of their time in their Masters service. Only think of this! and recollect the time you spend in a week in the service of him, who deserves it all.
December 9th. Was up verry early, and was much pressed with the business of the day, but not without being thankful to him, who brought me to see the the light of the day&. At night; I was called to attend a family part, which was verry agreeable; time passed off pleasantly; and after retireing to my room, and calling off from the business of the day; I was permitted to hold sweet communication with my Maker. I thank thee O! God; that thou has ben so mindful of me.
Sunday 10th. Did not attend Church to day, there being none, convenient. A friend took me to a house of mourning; where thee Good Lady of the family, had Just ben taken from thee husband, Children & friends. How Solom it is, to enter such a place; to hear the graves, and see the falling tear; from those who has lost a kind Wife, and Mother. Who can help feeling; the deepest solemnity, on such and occasion. Who can help feeling awful! While thinking upon those who have gone the way of all the earth; and no not, but to give an account of their conduct here below.
And must I be to Judgement brought,
And answer in the day
For every vain and idle thought,
And every word I say.
How careful, then ought I to live,
With what Religious fear,
Who such a strict account must give
For my behaviour here.
December 11th. This has ben rather an unpleasant day to me; every thing got rong with me in the commencement &. And I did not get rite through the day. I attributed the caus to my not attending to my secret duties in the morning, as usual &. I was hindered by company, comeing in verry early which prevented me of attending to my duty. I Pray God, that it may not be the case again; that I shall have to spend another day as I have the past; so far from thee, by Saviour. It is more pleasant; to be a doorkeeper, in the house of thee Lord; than to dwell in the tents of weekedness. May I spend more of my time in Gods service, for Christs sake.
December 12th. I have not had much of the preasance of thee Lord to day. I have ben attending to the affairs of this life, and have not made much preperations, for the one to come. My mind is troubled and verry much cast down. O, Lord! rais me up in spirit, that I may be better prepared to serve thee, for days to come.
O, for a closer wake with God,
A cam and heavenly sraim;
A light to shine upon the rode
That leads to me to thee Land.
December 13th. This has ben a fine day, but not a verry pleasant one to me. I have so much of the cares of this life to do with that I do not live as near my Blessed Saviour as I wish &. he that has so much of this world affairs to go through wih____. Cannot serve God, as he aught or wishes. We cannot serve God, and Mammon. It is with much tribulation, that we enter the kingdom of God. O Lord, while I have a thought to think, let me not forget thee; If I have any more time to spend on the earth, let me live as without the world in thee; then let me die the death of the righteous, and let my past and be like his.
December 14th. Was up quite early, Returned my thanks to him who watched over me through past night &. and his preasance through the day; I left my business at an early hour, and traveled several miles, to be with a brother, who joined (hands with a Lady in wedlock & we spent a verry social evening, time passed off almost unknown unnoticed! May the Blessings of heaven rest upon them and they live together after Gods ordinance, and finally be brought to the saints rest on high for Christs sake.
December 15th. Spent this day, almost entirely without Prayer, ( I Pray thee Lord, to forgive me of my neglect of dudty, and enable me to be more watchful unto Prayer.) attended &. dining and was with the young and thoughtless and suffered by mind to be taken off of Heaven, and Heavenly things, and too much carried away upon things that is sinful in its nature.
Sunday 17th. Have not enjoyed the love of God in my Soul today. Had to part with my friends, which give me deep sorrow; and to have to part with a sick Brother, not knowing whether or not I should ever be permited to see him again in life; it caused deep sorrow to fill my Soul; who is it that would not be cast down on such an Occasion. O lord: be with me in my distress. Give me grace to have me up in this my time of need. Lord: thou hast commanded us to pray for each other; - I Pray the to hear and answer Prayer, and restore the sick and afflicted to health &. Not my will will; but thine O; Lord be done.
December 18th. Was up this morning verry early did not feel the love of Christ, in my morning devotions, could not Pray with that degree of faith, which brings the comforter &. Lord; give me faith to believe more fully on thee.
How oft, alas! This wretched heart
Has wondered from the Lord:
How oft my roveing thoughts departs,
Forgetful of his word!
Yet sovereign mercy calls "Return;"
Dear Lord, and may I come?
My vile ingratitude I mourn;
O, take the wanderer home.
December 19th. This has ben an unusual cold day and one in which I have done but verry little business &. My mind has ben so much on the cares of this life, for the past week; it appears that I have almost forgotten my Saviour. I have not the faith as I used to have in prayer; While I am trying to prais the lord with My lips; I fear my Heart is fare from Him. I Pray thee O; Righteous Father to restore unto me they rich blessings, once more; that I may be enabled to go on my way rejoiceing, in hopes of a final admittance in to thy Saints rest on high; where I shall be permitted to sing praises unto the Lamb forever; Amen
December 20th. Spent this day, rather too carelessly; was in company with some young friends, which thoug[h]t, more of the ways of the world than of God. --have attended to my duty, with more success at a throne of grace than usual, O God! Increase my faith in thee, so That I may be enabled to love thee More, and serve the better. May my daily walk, be that, which is commanded by thy holy word; help me to live nearer to thee; that I may have more of thy preaseance, to guide me aright, &. I wish to live near the side, of my Bleeding Saviour; so I may have his kind protexion, through this life, and his preasance in the life to come.
December 21th. Have ben reading the nuse of the day, and have not taken much of my time, to read the word of God, which is much more needful. O, that I could be more resine to providence, and enabled to do more for my Souls welfare, than I have ben doing &. I find, that I spend to small a portion of my time in prayer, and meditation &. O Lord; help me to devote more of my time in thy service, Lord I wish to be thine and holy given up to thee?______
December 22th. Feel verry heavy and dull to day; have not enjoyed my self much; do not feel that degree of love, which I have ben praying for. I wish to be more in prayer than I have ben doing; Lord help me to become more Heavenly minded; that I may have Clearer views, of they way, and be enabled to live up to the requirement of thy laws. I Bless thee O! my Lord, for they great, and continued kindness his unspeakable gift; for the gift of his dear Son for my Soul.
December 23th. Not withstanding, I spent this day, amid confusion &. I have felt better than in days past. Had freer access to a throne of Grace, enjoyed more of the love of God than in other days & Lord, help me to grow in Grace, and in the knowledge of thee. How pleasant it is to live near the Saviour, to have his preasance continually _____.
Come, holy Spirit, calm my mind,
And fit me to approach my God;
Remove each vain, each worldly thought,
And lead me to thy blest abode.
Hast thou imparted to my soul
A living spark of holy fire,
O, kindle now the sacred flame,
And make me burn with pure desire.
December 24th. Sunday ____ have spent this day mostly from home, among friends, which has ben verry agreeable to my feelings. had some verry pleasant conversations &. returned home late, and now have a short time for reading – Prayer & I have ben reading a verry interesting piece, upon the conversion of a little Girl, which I trust, will be of value to my soul. O; who would not be the Lords; who would not forsake all of this worlds goods, to be with Christ; who gives us all things; And no good thing, will he withhold from them that walk uprightly before him.
December 25th.
This has ben a day of in which business has pressed me a good deal, and also, a day of confusion to me. It has by no means, ben a verry pleasant day to me; what strange beings we are, what an enormous; amount of sin is commited on these days; how thoughtless do people spend this day? See the professed followers of Christ; how thoughtless they are, so many, that appear to forget their God; and spend the day in such unprofitable way. Know ye not for all these things god will bring thee into Judgement.
December 26th. Have not ben verry well today so the day has ben rather long and tiresom. --feel that I am living at too great a distance from my Saviour; do not enjoy his preasance as I wish. Cannot approach him in prayer, with that confidence and faith that is required, to bring Gods Blessings upon us &. Lore; help me to give more of my time to thee.
O Thou Sun of glorious splendr,
Shine with healing in thy wing;
Chase away these shades of darkness;
Holy light and comfort bring.
December 27th. Not withstanding the press of business to day, I have ben reading some little of a most excellent work, a book which every family aught to have. Its an aquaintance with God; who^how would not like to form such an acquaintance; who is it that would not like to become familiar with such a being, one that can do all things for us; he who loved us, and give him self a ransom for us, O that, I could become mor acquainted with him, that I could be more familiar with such a friend, Lord help me to be with thee more ^ and more in con versation; May it be my main business, to become more and more, acquainted xx xth with thee &.
December 28th. Have ben troubled in mind, a great deal, do not enjoy the love of God, but little, feel verry low spirited, Cast down dejected &. I do not have faith in praying, my petitions, at a throne of grace, it appears, hardly rise above my head, O Lord; deliver me from such a condition as this; and may I be enabled to go on my way rejoiceing &.
1855 January the 2th. Some days have past away since I have had hold of my journal &. My neglect of this was owing to the business which I have had to attend to, &&. During a part of this time, I have enjoyed my self verry well, both spiritual and temporal; I have devoted as much of my time time as, was convenient, in reading my Bible, and other good books, To day while engaged in my daily vo cation, I was greatly su surprised to see a friend of myne, which I have not had the pleasure of, in a good many Years, how pleasant it is to meet with kind friends, whome we love, I will here give her name, (Miss Louisa Hardy) she is a worthy and amiable Lady ___ if its, so pleasant to meet with friends here; how much more so, will it be to meet with with our long departed friends, on canans happy shore; where parting will be known no more forever; O! what a happy time twill be to meet with a long departed Mother; father, Brother or Sister; in that happy land, O! happy day; of reunion
Sunday January 7th. Some days has passed since I have write any thing in my journal But nothing worth recording has transpired since my last entry, until to day, for which I thank the Lord, for the privilege, of this day&. I had the pleasure of hearing Profs. Walters preach which I trust I shall profit greatly there by? His discorse was from Ephesians 6 Chapter 13, 14, 15, 16 and 17 verses.
18567. Tuesday 22 January
This day I left Forestville, for Dunnsville, and there went into business; with Mr. P. Dunn. Here I formed new acquaintances, an rather, differ associates. My opportunities, has not ben so extensive here; as what they were before coming to this place. I have not enjoyed Religion much since comeing to this place. I have so much of this worlds affairs on my mind, as well as on my hands; that I have but little time to spend in the service of God.
I have come to the 4th of March 1857, There being nothing of much notice, in the past few months, that I have not recorded it &. On this date above mentioned; I left home; for the purpose of going north to buy a stock of goods; I had the pleasure of being with a friend of mine on that evening in Franklin Co. who took to himself a Wife; (I will here give the names of the party; Wm M Mitchel of Wake & Miss Virginia Green of Franklin.) I had the pleasure of their company, all the way to Philadelphia; and nearly all the way back home. We reached Petersburg on the eveing of the 5th remained there, until the 9th When we left for Philadelphia. But failing to make connection with the train in Richmond; We hade to remain there until night, when we got abord of the cars; Reached Washington at day break next morning; reached Philadelphia at one O'clock. Left there, on Tuesday 17th for Portsmouth. Reached there at 10 O'clock on the 18th. Put up at the Ocean House; was verry sick during the day and night. On Thursday the 19th I reahed home; was sick some days after
Abut this time of the year; I was courting a young Lady, living, but a short distance from where I was doing Business; Here; I should like to give some of the particulars; but not knowing what hands this may fall into; I shall not attempt to give any of the particulars &. Suffice it to say, that she give me my traveling papers – so theres an end to that.
Having lost a portion of my papers, I shall have to make a long skip here, not being able to make a correct account of the few months past.
September 1th. 1857
This day I left home for the purpose of buying a stock of goods, for my employer. I Reached Petersburg in the evening, spent a day there; then through Richmond. Washington City, Baltimore, and on to Philadelphia; where I spent two days in buying; then to New York; where I spent some days; left New York on the 9th for the Falls of Niagra; Reached there the morning of the 11th spent the day there, in viewing the great works of nature &. Passed behind the great sheet of water, in the Horse shoe; too termination rock; it being the farthest point; man was ever know to reach. I was accompanied by P T. Purefy, B. W. Fort, and others. Late in the afternoon, we left for New York; Reached there at 11 Oclock A M, at 1 Oclock P M, I was abord a bote for Philadelphia, Reached there, at 7 Oclock P M. Put up at the American Hotel; Took the cars on the ^ at 1 Oclock A M 12th for Petersburg; Reached there safe, the Evening of the 13th. 3 Oclock on the 14th I was abord of the Cars for Weldon; reached there a while in the night; Took tea, and then for home. I reached my Depot a short time before day; but owing to all hands being asleep; I was carried to Raleigh; there I took the train for home, and arrive there at sunrise on the 15th.
Here ends the diary of an unknown Wake County young man.